Introduction

Disclaimer: I know many people will not have the same perspective and outlook as I do and that is okay. These are my thoughts, feelings, and complaints. I need an outlet and this is it. I invite you to read and respond if you would like, but please always be respectful even if your opinion differs from mine

Almost four years ago I said yes to a loving, devoted, and godly man when he asked me to marry him on the top of Crough Patrick in Ireland. Little did I know what God had in store for us and our future family. Over our year long engagement we discussed many topics that would affect our upcoming marriage, and God-willing, our family. The hardest and touchiest being our decision to use artificial contraception or not.

We both had differing opinions and reasons why we held them. Without going into all the personal details of our marriage, our ultimate decision came in October of 2009 after praying and talking with one another. We decided against artificial contraception and started practicing Natural Family Planning. We felt this better coincided with our religious beliefs, what God was calling us to do, and a better more natural plan for my health rather than putting  unnecessary toxins into my body.

Natural Family Planning is not the rhythm method; it is not just a Catholic thing. Many people use NFP as their preferred method of family planning. It is a way to naturally avoid or achieve pregnancy based on a woman's fertility signs throughout her cycle. Couples seeking to avoid pregnancy practice abstinence during fertile times and vice versa if trying to achieve pregnancy.

Now the reality of all this is that it is not easy, at least not for me. Every single day I am tempted to use artificial contraception because it is so much easier. I say tempted because deep down I feel that artificial contraception is morally wrong and if I were to use it I would feel a large amount of grief and guilt. So I have this fight going on inside of me daily that I am waging against the devil. He is tempting me to take the easy way; to stray from Gods will. And ultimately that makes me angry. Leave me alone Devil! I am trying to be a daughter of God. I am trying to be obedient. I am trying to be faithful. And it is hard enough without you in my way!

How This Blog Came to Be:

One night, just recently, as Sean and I were discussing our decision to use NFP I voiced to him the feelings of guilt I have for being so angry at God for making this decision a difficult one for me. "Why do I daily want to do something that I know is wrong?" "Why is my attempt at being a faithful daughter of God have to be so hard?" He replied "It's a temptation, everyone has their temptations. This is yours and the devil is working extra hard to get to you." In my head I was thinking "It is a temptation! Why have I never thought of it that way?" He then suggestion that I either start a journal or a blog as a way to help me voice my daily thoughts and temptations about the matter. Now at the time, I didn't say "Great idea honey, I will start tomorrow!" Nope, I was still angry and that just seemed like another thing to add to my already long daily to do list. But as it mulled over in my head for a week or so it started to seem like a better and better idea; so here I am. I am here complaining to God and inviting all those who wish to follow along in my battle against the devil to be a faithful daughter of God.

Should I Feel Guilty For Complaining To God?

Well I thought I should and I did until I sat down to do a little research and actually I found that God wants us to complain to him! Who would have thought?

The first thing I found out, which I think I knew, but it had slipped my mind until I started reading about it in more detail is that the book of Psalms is full of complaints to God! This book of the bible, which I am now making my way through, is such a gift! It teaches and reminds us how to be a faithful complainer. This book expresses all sorts of feelings; sorrow, anger, fear, longing, confusions, disappointment, and even repentance! Now I just started reading this book so more will come on what is revealed to me by reading but at least now I don't feel bad for complaining to God. I actually now feel that God wants me to bring all my pain and anger to him although I already knew that.

Psalm 142: 1-2

With my voice I cry out to the Lord; with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord. I pour out my complaints before him; I tell him all my troubles.

What a RELIEF!

So here I go. Here is my outlet. Some days I will complain. Some days I will praise. This is my journey with Natural Family Planning. God has plans for me. He has given me two precious girls because I have trusted him and allowed him to be a part of my marriage. My ultimate goal for this blog is to find peace and understanding with our decision to use NFP and that I will develop a closer relationship with God as an outcome.